How to Annoy Itachi
by Jaye Shayna
Summary: Itachi jokes and pranks - R&R?


1.) Itachi's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2.) Itachi does not sleep. He waits.

3.) Itachi does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Itachi goes killing.

4.) Itachi counted to infinity - twice.

5.) Itachi sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled Sharigan ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Itachi kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

6.) If you can see Itachi, he can see you. If you can't see Itachi you may be only seconds away from death.

7.) When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Itachi.

8.) Itachi is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

9.) When Itachi sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Itachi has not had to pay taxes ever.

10.) Itachi has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

11.) Itachi can touch MC Hammer.

12.) Itachi sleeps with a night light. Not because Itachi is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Itachi.

13.) To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Itachi smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.

14.) A blind man once stepped on Itachi's shoe. Itachi replied, "You, who have never measured your own capabilities; had no idea of Itachi's." The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal Kick delivered by Itachi.

15.) They once made a Itachi toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

16.) Itachi ordered a **Big Mac** at **Burger King**, and got one.

17.) Itachi once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes making out with his waitress.

18.) Itachi appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a kick, insta killing all players.

19.) Achilles was supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died because of his weak spot, the Achilles tendon. There is no Itachi tendon.

20.) If Itachi is late, time better slow the fuck down.

21.) According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Itachi can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

22.) Itachi died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

be very carefull using these! i did some of these to him and i woke up in a hospital breathing threw a tube!! T_T)

Oh, and most of these work best if your a girl^_^

up to him and say, "Hi!"  
2. Cry for no apparent reason.  
3. When he asks why, start a loud conversation with a rock about him being delusional.  
he tries to talk to you during this, say, "Shut up, I'm busy."  
5. Throw bread rolls at him during dinner. Constantly  
6. Put glue in his nail polish  
7. Bake him muffins and start bawling when he doesnt eat them  
8. Every time he asks and/or orders you to do something, ask him if he 'wants fries with that'  
9. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.  
10. Buy him a pet fox that bites everyone except you and name it 'Kyuubi"  
11. Clean out his closet and leave him pink dresses. Tell him it brings out the red in his eyes.  
12. Clip things onto his ponytail when his back is turned without getting caught  
13. Encourage him to 'Think nice thoughts'  
14. Braid his hair  
15. Call him 'Tachi-boo' when he's being evil.  
16. Say random things.  
17. Poke him at random times  
18. Say Dun Dun Duuuuuun when he does ANYTHING, (like pick up a spoon.)  
19. Destroy his room and when he asks why say "I was trying to find a piece of paper."  
20. Ask him if you can throw things at him when he says no, do it anyway.  
21. Give him frilly underwear, with Chibi Narutos all over them.  
22. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.  
23. When you see ANBU or jounin scream 'LOOK!' and point at Itachi then run.  
24. Keep changing your accent when talking  
25. Sing 'Pop goes the weasel' and throw acorns at him while walking through the forest.  
26. Scream and dive under your chair for no apparent reason.  
27. Blame him for everything that happens (like the rain)  
28. Get sharingan contacts and wake him up in the morning wearing them.  
29. Ask for random every day things until he gives them to you  
30. Knit him things. Really hideous things.  
31. Cry when he doesnt wear them.  
32. Dance the Funky Chicken  
33. Pat him on the head and give him a cookie every time he succeeds in being evil.  
34. Walk straight up to his face, stare at him for a long time with wide eyes and whisper, "I can see you."  
35. Yell, "SHUT UP!" at him when he's not talking  
36. Attack him and stop at the last minuet and kick him in the shin then scream and fall to the ground holding your foot.  
37. Tell him you know this Guidance Councilor in Konoha that can help him with his 'Anger Issues' be sure to do the finger quotes.  
38. Ask him if you can borrow his cloak. If he says no take it anyway  
39. Tell him that the cloak looks much better on you and dont give it back.  
40. When he tries to take it away from you scream 'Rape' and draw a big crowd.  
41. Keep asking, "watcha doin?"  
42. When any girl walks by, grab him and yell "MINE!"  
43. Ask him what his mother called him when he was little saying things like "I bet she called you Weaselykins!"  
44. Go through mood swings for no reason  
45. Run towards him screaming like an idiot then stop in front of him. Look at him with a weird face then kick him as hard as you can in the leg, then run screaming like a frightened little girl  
46. When Kisame is gone say you're having shark fin soup for dinner if youre cooking  
him a Sasuke Stress ball  
48. Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes. Do this until he hurts you.  
49. Ask him to dance a polka with you.  
50. Ask him if he's a virgin--  
51. --Ask him why  
52. Hide his weapons  
53. Steal his headband  
54. Tell him Kisame did it.  
55. Write him a theme song, sing it constantly  
56. Read bedtime stories while hes trying to fall asleep like The ugly duckling  
57. Make vague allusions to him having a relationship with Sasuke  
58. Ask him if he works with Satan  
59. Leave disgusting and rotting dead things near him. Insist that it is 'Aromatherapy.'  
60. Sing the hamster song over and over again.  
61. Ask him to dye Easter eggs with you  
62. ...at Christmas.  
63. When he tells you to shut up stare at him blankly and drool  
64. Decorate his room on Valentines Day  
65. With lots of pink.  
66. Bake Naruto, Sasuke, and Kyuubi shaped cookies.  
67. Give him teddy bears  
68. Call him 'Talky " When he says more than one sentence.  
69. Ask his gender over and over again.  
70. Say "Why do you have to be so mean?!" and produce fake tears and throw a tantrum when he threatens you.  
71. Throw pudding at him  
72 . Steal his boxers and wear them over your clothes for all to see  
his cloak when at a different city, when he comes outside to murder you scream 'Sexy Man Alert!' Make sure there are many fan girls about.  
74. In a middle of a busy street act like you're stalking him. Confront him every 5 minutes and say "Did you know Im stalking you?"  
75. Comment on how the Uchiha Fan resembles a Ping-Pong paddle. Call him Ping-pong when addressing him  
76. Call him Kittymonster and draw a cute little chibi Itachi kitty.  
77. Photo copy it and post it all around his room.  
78. Buy a kitty and name it Sasuke. Say lots of things that could sound inappropriate if taken in the right context, involving Itachi.  
79. When you three are just sitting around scream 'BOLOGNA!' And run out screaming like an idiot. Come back five minuets later and sit down and act like nothing happened.  
80. Run around screaming like a maniac, then stop and fall over onto your back, and get up and walk away like nothing happened when Itachi asks what's wrong.  
81. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room and get it stuck in Itachi's ponytail, or hit him in the face, which ever you prefer.  
84: Insist on calling Itachi the 'Dancing queen'  
85. On fathers day stare at him blankly for a long time before screaming "DADDY!" And try to hug him. When he sidesteps you start screaming and crying "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME DADDY?!"  
86. Claim your best friend is a chunk of cheese named Herman  
87. Make up a legend about a ninja penguin. Insist that 'its all true'  
89. Purposely get knocked out a pretend to lose your memory. Insist on hanging around Itachi and cling to his robes like a little girl.  
90. Throw slices of cheese at him. When you finally hit his face, yell "WOO!" and then run for your life.  
91. Buy a cactus and coo at it, all the time. When Itachi insults it gasp and start ranting about him 'filling my babies head with such slander'  
92. Have arguments with the cacti. After a few days scream 'I CAN'T LIVE WITH YOU ANYMORE!' Throw it out the window and storm out. (Get rid of the cacti when he's not looking) And when you come back trash the room and start screaming for your cactus. When you don't find it start crying as loudly as you can.  
93 Lay his cloak on the floor and vacuum it. Everyday.  
94. Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.  
95. Stare at him for a while. When he addresses you point and laugh until you pass out.  
96. Buy him a Chihuahua that barks, all the time. Make sure it bites.  
97. Make a list of all the sins he ever did and read the list our loud and say "Yup. SOMEONES definitely going to hell. "  
him smile by holding the ends of his mouth up with your fingers.  
him if you can barrow a tampon in public  
100. Kiss him.  
his cloak in bleach.  
Sasuke over daily.  
random fan girls his number and house (akastaki) address.  
104. Tell him how much prettier sasukes hair and eyes are constantly.  
104. Randomly call him Mr. sunshine.  
105. Tell him that family is the best thing in the world.  
106. Always make family reunions for Sasuke and him.


End file.
